Sizzle Craft

Things too boring to keep in my head and junk irregular

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fuckingnerdrage:

SUPER RARE ROBA RAP.

(via fuckingnerdrage-deactivated2013)

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mrmrghrphlhpmrph BATMAN

So having just returned from seeing Batman, I’m going to make the obvious/lazy comparison between the film as a whole and Bane talking through his weird mask re-breather thing.  Basically it’s loud and indistinct. Because most people haven’t seen it yet, I’m going to avoid specific spoilers but be aware that if your spoiler averse the following might not be for you:

  • To go all film crit hulk, (rule number 1. always name your sources and inspirations even if your posting on tumblr), nothing in the movie really builds or effects anything that comes before or after anything else.  For example, the movie is about how Batman is ultimately unnecessary/doomed to failure, which means that Batman hardly appears and the alot of attention is placed on Gary Oldman, Joseph Gordon Levitt and company.  But the problem is that Batman’s failure is established to have occurred years before the film begins.  So when Bane arrives, there’s none of the thematic conflict that we saw in the Scarecrow (fear) or the Joker (chaos).  He just reiterates what we already know, that Batman can fail/is a failed project. BATMAN MUST DIE but he’s already dead.
  • Bane is also tied to the most incoherent part of the first Batman movie, the motivations of Liam Neeson as leader of the League of Shadows.  They want to destroy a nebulous concept of decadence/evil by being really corrupt and evil. Bane’s going to destroy a whole city but why? For all the long term planning that goes into the plot behind the end of Gotham, there’s no fucking long term justification for anything he does except as an ultimately banal act of revenge. An act of revenge which doesn’t even begin to make sense because the plot’s target Bruce Wayne/Batman is already a destroyed man at the beginning of the movie. 
  • The whole really intricate villainous plan that ONLY SERVES TO MAKE THE HERO MORE DETERMINED AND STRONGER sucks as a narrative concept. Just let it be a shitty poorly thought out plan. Please, please if your going to make your villain absolutely fail in their primary objective then just let them be incompetent, make their incompetence part of the problem. Please just read Butcher’s Moon for the perfect example of the compellingly incompetent against overwhelming competence.  Don’t have these supremely competent villains fail because they’ve gone up against the one man who is even more supremely competent than they are. The brilliance of the Joker was that he didn’t care that he failed constantly because the result was chaos anyway.  Bane wants a highly specific goal and it’s spectacular but never engaging.
  • Ugh, the politics of this film, not the disaster that some people were expecting.  But paper thin, incoherent and packed full of hollow ideas, heh, just like the rest of the film.  The movie should have been about Batman’s War on Crime, but that’s brushed away with the blindingly obvious answer of not paroling anyone convicted of a crime. From then on its only a matter of time before people realise that all major crimes are solved.  NO NEED FOR BATMAN ANY MORE.  He only needs to wait for the moment when symbolic self-sacrifice unrelated to crime but saves the city from certain doom. Yes, to truly save Gotham City forever, all Batman needed was a bronze statue of commemorating that great sacrifice. And guess what! The things that a statue of Batman can’t fix are because of the SYSTEM.  Time for Joseph Gordon-Levitt to quit the police force and become the sequel’s batman, in which he’ll fight against the perception that orphan boys will inevitably become criminals, or whatever thing was placed in his mouth as an early character building sympathy ploy that contradicts the concept of NO PAROLE EVER as the one true solution against organised crime.  

Filed under Posts I'll Regret when I'm Older and Wiser Shouting! Buttonholed at a party: the blog post

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“Oh. Oh, right— I’m a creative tundra, a quality black hole whose gravitation pull is such that only raw sucking can escape its vortex. I forgot. Thanks. Thanks for the reminder, comicbookresources dot com. Someday everyone I’ve ever loved will be dead? I wasn’t thinking about that at the moment, Robot 6, but thanks— that’s one to grow on.”


(I guess this is the part where I’m supposed to throw myself on my sword and be like, “The fact it’s hard work to do things is why you should never be snarky because look how hard it is, don’t be snarky, be a skittle commercial, be a human skittles commercial. My feelings!” … ha, no, yeah, no… “I thought the world had shitty stories in it but then I started to sell shitty stories so I realized, hey, man, hey… the world should have HUGS in it.” That shit just makes me laugh…)

Abhay Khosla

Filed under Abhay Says it Best

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twiststreet:

cartoonretro:

Don Flowers, Glamor Girls

I feel like 90% of old cartoons are about creepy rich old men cheating on their wives.  Single-panel comics from pre-1970-something? I feel like Adulterous Old Creepy Fucks used to be this major genre of American cartoon humor.  …What the hell was that about?  Why was that shit ever funny???
When it’s an old comic, I just feel like I’ve seen that kind of joke more than any other kind of single-panel comic except maybe ones where some obnoxious shitty kid says something rotten.  It’s always some old lech-y dude saying, “You have to earn that promotion by letting me insert my penis into your vagina, honey”; or two secretaries are talking and one of them says, “Any time I look over when I’m typing, Old Man Peters is staring at me and jerking himself off”  or whatever.  Except, it’s said in old-time-y language, so it’s all in code.  It’s still sexual harassment but it’s really jaunty about it.  ”I doff my hat to rubbing up against you in a subway, darling— it’s the bee’s knees.  Tippecanoe and Tyler too!”  
The comics are always pretty enough— people knew how to draw, back when. But … why did so many dudes find that shit funny? What’s funny about it?  Was it just the guys who bought old comics, the editors, back when, that’s what they thought people could relate to?  ”Phil, yer makin’ comics about how desperate young girls will fuck wrinkly old dicks for money.  Joey— yer makin’ comics about how women should stay in a kitchen and make us some babies. Tommy, where are my comics about how we have to keep the minorities out of our country clubs?”  Who were these assholes?

twiststreet:

cartoonretro:

Don Flowers, Glamor Girls

I feel like 90% of old cartoons are about creepy rich old men cheating on their wives.  Single-panel comics from pre-1970-something? I feel like Adulterous Old Creepy Fucks used to be this major genre of American cartoon humor.  …What the hell was that about?  Why was that shit ever funny???

When it’s an old comic, I just feel like I’ve seen that kind of joke more than any other kind of single-panel comic except maybe ones where some obnoxious shitty kid says something rotten.  It’s always some old lech-y dude saying, “You have to earn that promotion by letting me insert my penis into your vagina, honey”; or two secretaries are talking and one of them says, “Any time I look over when I’m typing, Old Man Peters is staring at me and jerking himself off”  or whatever.  Except, it’s said in old-time-y language, so it’s all in code.  It’s still sexual harassment but it’s really jaunty about it.  ”I doff my hat to rubbing up against you in a subway, darling— it’s the bee’s knees.  Tippecanoe and Tyler too!”  

The comics are always pretty enough— people knew how to draw, back when. But … why did so many dudes find that shit funny? What’s funny about it?  Was it just the guys who bought old comics, the editors, back when, that’s what they thought people could relate to?  ”Phil, yer makin’ comics about how desperate young girls will fuck wrinkly old dicks for money.  Joey— yer makin’ comics about how women should stay in a kitchen and make us some babies. Tommy, where are my comics about how we have to keep the minorities out of our country clubs?”  Who were these assholes?

Filed under Abhay Says it Best

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Kudos to innovators who realize they can move more branded merch than books & embrace sprawling stories about characters wearing T-shirts with logos and using products with logos and encountering plot events that introduce new logos or change existing logos. To those who don’t have the same logo obsession: become obsessed with logos (also helps to find cool ways to mythologize the lifestyle of leisure and self-identification through brand consumption that you’re trying to encourage in your audience.)

J Chastain

In which we see the future of everything, everywhere. Serial narrative moves product like nothing else. The single most important thing a person can invest is not money but time. Time invested becomes everything else we prize. Regularity is better than quality or quantity, in that it keeps people attached.  People spending just five to fifteen minutes every day with you, is far more important than them spending a few hours, a few days or once every year. In doing so create out of whole cloth emotional associations which naturally arise in spending a lot time with something, someone, anything. The sorrow, joy, and nostalgia your narrative produces are qualities you can and will exploit.

Filed under Buttonholed at a party: the blog post